monte's Blog

Hello Everyone

yeah yeah I know..Thinking I feel off the face of the planet huh?
Just had alot of drama going on and now things are somewhat getting back to normal.

So I will be re-doing the whole forum so please bare with me..
Thanks much,Monte'

Re: The Divorce

in my opinion, some men cant communicate..   just sayin

The Divorce

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't
necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

Re: Community Announcement from monte

Glad to have you back Hunnie girl.!!   Now get posting!!  lol
   Talk soon babes.  love ya!  xooxoxox

Please read!!

Subject: Please check your kids/grandkids outside toys before riding this summer
Date: Thu, 21 May 2009 08:43:16 -0400

Re: Proud To Be White...

hmmm

Proud To Be White...

Proud to be White

Michael Richards makes his point..............
Michael Richards better known as Kramer from TVs Seinfeld does make a good point.

This was his defense speech in court after making racial comments in his comedy act. He makes some very interesting points...

Someone finally said it.  
How many are actually paying attention to this? There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, etc.

And then there are just Americans.  You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction.  You call me 'White boy,' 'Cracker,' 'Honkey,' 'Whitey,' 'Caveman'...... and that's OK.

But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink .. You call me a racist.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you... so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

You have the  United   Negro   College  Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day.

You have Black History Month.  You have Cesar Chavez Day.

You have Yom Hashoah.  You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi.

You have the NAACP.  You have BET... If we had WET (White Entertainment Television), we'd be racists. If we had a White Pride Day, you would call us racists.

If we had White History Month, we'd be racists.

If we had any organization for only whites to 'advance' OUR lives, we'd be racists.

We have a Hi spanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that??

A white woman could not be in the Miss Black American pageant, but any color can be in the Miss America pageant.

If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships... You know we'd be racists.

There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US .  Yet if there were 'White colleges', that would be a racist college.

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights.  If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid t o announce it.  But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.

I am proud... But you call me a racist.

Why is it that only whites can be racists??

There is nothing improper about this e-mail.  Let's see which of you are proud enough to send it on.  I sadly don't think many will.  That's why we have LOST most of OUR RIGHTS in this country.  We won't stand up for ourselves!

BE PROUD TO BE WHITE!

It's not a crime YET... but getting very close!

It is estimated that ONLY 5% of those reaching this point in this e-mail, will pass it on.
 

Last Support Check

LAST CHILD SUPPORT CHECK!!!   
   
  Today be my baby girl 18th birfday.  I be so glad that dis be my last child support payment!  Month after month, year after year, all  dose  payments!    So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my  house, and when she get here, I say, "Baby girl, I want you to take dis check over to yo momma house and tell her dis be the last check she ever be gettin' from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the 'spression on yo mama face." 

So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma. I be anxious to  hear what she say, and bout the 'spression on her face. Baby girl walk through the door, I say, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?"  She  say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy" ... and watch the 'spression on yo face"!!! 

Re: Pass it on..

lmfaooooooo

Pass it on..

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it,
>> > But, here is one:
>> >
>> > Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A
>> > Small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the
>> > Birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
>> > The birch says he cannot tell.
>> > Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
>> >
>> > The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert.. Can you tell if
>> > That is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'
>> >
>> > The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, 'It is
>> > Neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best
>> > Piece of Ash I have ever put my pecker in.'
>> >
>> > Now wipe that smile off your face. And pass it on!!
>

Re: School Answering Machine..

FUNNNYYY....

School Answering Machine..

SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE

This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended! This is the message
that the Pacific Palisades High School California staff voted unanimously to
record on their school telephone answering machine.
 
This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about
because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be
responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.
 
The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children' s
failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were
absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school
work to pass their classes.
 
The outgoing message:
 
Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In
order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen
to all the options before making a selection:
 
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
 
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work -Press 2
 
To complain about what we do - Press 3
 
To swear at staff members - P ress 4
 
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your
newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
 
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
 
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
 
To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
 
To com plain about bus transportation - Press 9
 
To complain about school lunches - Press 0
 
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and
responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not
the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice
day!
 
If you want this in Spanish, move to a country that speaks it!

Re: Mastercard Wedding

lmfaoo..HOW TRUE!

Mastercard Wedding

You got to love this guy... This is a true story about a
 Recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.
 It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.
 It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
 After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on  Stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to   
 Thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at  Their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his  Family
 And to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish  Reception.
 
 As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to   Give everyone a special gift just from him.
 So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the   Wedding party was an envelope.
 
 He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them   To open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy
 Of    His   Bride having sex with the best man.  

 The groom had gotten suspicious of   Them weeks earlier and
 Had hired a private detective to tail them.
 After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for  a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!"
 Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!"
 Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."
 
 He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.    While most people would have canceled the wedding
 Immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through   With the charade, as if nothing were wrong.
 
 His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000
 For a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all,
 Trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300
 Friends and family members.This guy has balls the size of church bells.
 
 Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of
 This?
 
 Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.
 Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion: $3,000
 Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui: $8,500.
 The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of
 The bride humping the best man: "Priceless".
 There are some things money can't buy, for everything else
 there's MASTERCARD!
 
 "Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches, it's more
 Like a jar of Jalapenos--what you do today, might burn your a-- 
 Tomorrow......" 

Re: Why Parents drink... lol

too funny

Why Parents drink... lol

 Why Parents
> Drink
>
>
>  
> A
> father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to
> see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked
> up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the
> pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'
>
>
> With the worst premonition he opened the
> envelope
> with trembling hands
> and read the letter.
>
>
> Dear Dad:
>
> It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing
> you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted
> to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
>
>
> I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so
> nice.
>
> But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her
> piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact
> that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the
> passion...Dad she's pregnant.
>
>
> Stacy said that we will be very happy.
> She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood
> for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more
> children.
>
> Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana
> doesn't really hurt anyone.
>
> We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with
> the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
>
> In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure
> for AIDS so
>
> Stacy can get better.
> She deserves it.
>
> Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care
> of myself.
>
>
> Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that
> you can
> get to know your
> grandchildren.
>
>
>
> Love, Your Son John
>
>
>
>
>
> PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at
> Tommy's house.
>
>
>
> I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in
> life than the Report card That's in my
> center desk drawer.
>
>
>
> I love you.
>
>
>
> Call me when it's safe to come
> home.

Re: Men are Happier.

omg... lol

Men are Happier.

Men Are Just
> Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple
> creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all
> yours.. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is
> just another snack. You can be President. You can spit in
> the street or scratch your privates in public and no one
> ever gives it a second thought. You can never be pregnant.
> You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear
> NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth..
> The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another
> gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You
> don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut
> on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character..
> Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at
> your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes
> don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all
> the time.
>
>
> Phone
> conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff
> about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
> You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the
> slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to
> invite you, he or she can still be your
> friend.
>
>
> Your
> underwear is $4.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes
> are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems
> in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
> Everything on your face stays its original color. The same
> hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to
> shave your face and neck.
>
>
> You can
> play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of
> shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no
> matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails
> with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning
> growing a mustache.
>
>
> You go to
> the store for socks and you go direct to the sock counter,
> buy six pairs of the same size, same design, same color and
> you are on your way home in four minutes flat. You can do
> Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 15
> minutes.
>
>
> No wonder
> men are happier.
>
>
> Send this
> to the women who can handle it and to the men who will
> enjoy reading it

Re: The Rancher

lmaoooooo

The Rancher

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.  She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very we ll..  Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.' The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night..

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand.  Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.

'Unbutton my blouse and take it off, she said..  Trembling, he did as she directed. 'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

'Now take off my skirt..' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly
watching her eyes in the fire light.

'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'

(P.S. I didn't see that one coming, either.)

Few of my music vid's

Community Announcement from monte

Hey everyone.Hope you all have been enjoying the nice weather.. I got an awesome tan going on already..WOO WOO ~ lol Anyways,just letting everyone know that there are alot of new posts.. Would like to see everyone take alil time and do some posting.. It only takes a few minutes.Im interested in knowing if you all like the content of the posts..etc.. Please get back to me.I do appreciate ALL's input.Thank you much!! Have a bless day..Love,Monte'

Re: Lil Johnny

this lil kid cracks me up!!  lmao

Lil Johnny

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such An interesting story, suppose you save! the rest of it for supper
Time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it Tonight.'

Re: lmao

lmfaooooooooo